How to Annoy Harry Potter Characters

I'm working on a series of fics on how to annoy HP characters. If anyone has a character they want me to do, don't hesitate to ask =)

15 Ways to Annoy Hermione Granger

Here are 15 ways guaranteed to annoy Hermione Granger. Remember though, Hermione, being the braniac she is, knows a lot of curses. I do not take any responsibility for what happens to you if she tries these on you. You have been warned.

1. Tell her the library burned down

2. Keep calling S.P.E.W. spew

3. Go on and on about how awesome Quidditch is.

4. Tell everyone she's dating Snape/Draco/Crabbe/Goyle

5. Have Rita Skeeter white an article of her love life with Harry and make sure Ron reads it. (Note: This will also annoy Harry and Ron.)

6. Rip up books in front of her

7. Tell her she's made the Quidditsh team

8. Have Hagrid make her babysit Grawp

9. Make out with Ron in front of her

10. Whisper that you and Ron certainly had "fun" last night alone in his dorm….

11. Tell her there's an essay due tomorrow

12. When she asks what essay, tell her it was assigned a week ago and she should pay better attention

13. Tell her Ron's going out with Draco

14. Put McGonagall under the Imperio and have her tell Hermione she failed all of her classes

15. Tell her how sorry you are that Snape broke her heart. Say it in front of Snape.

15 Ways to Annoy Umbridge

Sick of Dolores Umbridge and her messed up ideas? Wish you could make her life hell? You're not alone. Here's a list of 15, full proof ways to get on her nerves and make her wish she never met you. However, Umbride will probably not take kindly to you trying to annoy her, and may try to curse you. Be prepared. I take no responsibility for what happens to you if you use these.

1. Offer to make her dinner and give her a plate of dead flies

2. Paint her room black when she's not looking

3. Take down all her pictures of cute kittens and put up pictures of rats and lots of things with blood and gore

4. Have everyone tell her how great Harry Potter is

5. Have Fudge tell her Harry Potter's going to be the new Minister of Magic

6. Make someone submit an article to the Daily Prophet saying Harry Potter is the savior of the world

7. Whenever you see her squeal with disgust and say "Ugh! Get away from me, ugly toad!"

8. Tell her Dumbledore was a much better headmaster than her

9. Send her a fake love letter from Hagrid

10. Tell her you have a present for her and give her something from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes

11. Tell her there's someone she should meet, and bring her to Grawp

12. Set her up on a date with Firenze

13. Put posters of Harry up all over her room

14. Tell her she should have made Fred and George prefects

15. Tell her Cornelius Fudge is firing her and hiring Trelawney in her place

15 Ways to Annoy Hagrid

Here are 15 ways to annoy Hagrid. Remember though, Hagrid is a giant and it will be very easy for him to crush you if he gets too annoyed. Don't say I didn't warn you!

1. Constantly comment on how big he is.

2. Ask him how his pet Basilisk is doing.

3. Ask him if he eats humans.

4. Whenever he gets near you, scream at him to please not fall on you.

5. Put him in a room with Professor Umbridge for an hour. (Note: This may drive him to insanity.)

6. Make sure only Slytherins are in his Care of Magical Creatures class next year.

7. Ask him constantly about his mother.

8. Find a really big egg, give to him, and tell him it's a dragon egg.

9. "Accidently" drop the egg and when it splatters all over the place, ask him how the hell he treated the egg to turn it into something other than a dragon.

10. Tell him Madam Maxine and Voldemort got married.

11. Mutter "Fee, fie, foe, fum" whenever you see him

12. Constantly give him clothes that are obviously too small for him.

13. Read him lots of fairy tails about giants and keep comparing him to the ones in the stories.

14. Put bows in his beard

15. Sign him up to ballet lessons to make him more graceful.

15 Ways to Annoy Remus Lupin

Here's a list of 15 ways how to annoy Remus Lupin, a werewolf. Please remember though Remus will most likely not like when you annoy him. Therefore, he may get angry and try to hex you. It is best you know what to do if this occurs. I will not be held responsible for anything that happens if you try these things. Good luck.

1. Tell him there's a new law that says werewolves aren't allowed to eat chocolate.

2. Tell him Greyback is the ideal werewolf.

3. Whenever you see him tell him a story about a wolf that ends in disaster (IE: Little Red Riding Hood)

4. Tell him he should have chosen a prettier creature to get bitten by and turned into.

5. At random times point over his shoulder and say "Hey, look, there's a full moon tonight!"

6. In a room full of crowded people whisper (loudly) that you won't tell anything about his "dirty little secret".

7. Introduce him to a bunch of Sirius/Remus fangirls who won't leave him alone until they see the two kiss.

8. Whenever you see him run away screaming "It's the big bad wolf!"

9. Tell him you made dinner for him and give him a slab of raw meat.

10. Remind him constantly that he never stopped James and Sirius from picking on Severus even though he was a Prefect.

11. Ask him to growl for you.

12. But a few drops of love potion in his Wolfsbane potion and make sure he falls in love with someone totally inappropriate. (Voldemort, Snape, etc)

13. When the potion wears off, keep reminding him what a fool out of himself he made.

14. Give him a bar of molded dirt and tell him it's chocolate.

15. Keep reminding him about the time he almost killed Snape.

15 Ways to Annoy Bellatrix Lestrange

Here are 15 ways to annoy Bellatrix Lestrange! Remember, these may annoy her more than you think, and she may get very mad. It's best to know how to hex her. And be able to run. Fast.

1. Point behind her and say "hey look, it's Sirius!"

2. Tell her Voldemort's throwing her out of the Death Eaters

3. Have Voldemort make Snape his right-hand man

4. Tell her Snape's ideas are much better than hers

5. Call her crazy

6. Hug her

7. Ask her if she had fun in Azkaban

8. Tell Voldemort she's secretly working for Dumbledore. (Note: This may also get her killed.)

9. Throw her a party and invite all the Order members

10. Go on and on about how awesome Snape and Sirius are

11. Burn her house down and make her stay with Snape

12. Tell Rita Skeeter she and Snape are dating

13. Deny she's loyal to Voldemort

14. Tell a bunch of Sirius fangirls where she lives and let them do as they wish to her

15. Put down Voldemort non-stop

15 Ways to Annoy Draco Malfoy

Here are 15 ways to annoy Draco Malfoy. Remember though, annoying Draco is not completely safe. Draco may get very angry, and decide to hex you or worse. Because of this, I strongly recommend that you're a very skilled wizard, or at least know the Expelliarmus spell. I will not be held responsible for anything that happens to you while trying these things. You have been warned.

1. Call him Ferret Boy

2. Tell him he looks much better as a ferret than a human

3. Tell him that Harry/Ron/Hemione/all three are in love with him

4. Point behind him and tell him there's a hippogriff there. Do this on numerous occasions.

5. Make sure muggle borns are constantly better than him in everything he does. Have them gloat about this.

6. Train as many hippogriffs as you can to follow him around

7. Tell him Lucius and Narcissa aren't really his parents, and he's really a muggle-born!

8. In a room full of people, put him under the Tarantallegra curse. (A curse that makes a person dance constantly)

9. Make sure he knows everyone knows (thinks) he loves Harry

10. Remind him constantly of every time Harry's saved him

11. Have Harry, Ron, and Hemione wink at him every time he looks in their direction. Make sure it looks like they're planning something.

12. Tell him his father and Voldemort are sleeping together

13. Put him under the Imperio curse and make him yell (in a room full of crowded people) that he's in love with Harry/Ron/Hermione/Snape/Nelville

14. Throw out all his hair gel

15. When he's asleep, dye his hair and all his clothes red

15 Ways to Annoy Voldemort

Here are 15 ways to annoy Voldemort/The Dark Lord/He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named/You-Know-Who/Whatever the hell you want to call him. Remember though, that he most likely will not be happy with you annoying him, and if you continue to do it it's most likely that he will try to kill you. You have been warned.

1. Tell him all his Death Eaters have joined Harry Potter

2. Remind him constantly of all the times he's lost to Harry Potter

3. Tell him he can't do anything alone, he always has to have one of his Death Eaters help him. (IE: Peter helping him get back to power, Peter telling him the Potter's hiding place, Quirrel being his host….)

4. Paint all the Death Eater robes a pretty, pretty pink! With sparkles!

5. Make him dinner and after he eats it tell him it was his snake

6. Make him play candyland with you all day

7. Tell him he'd make a good fairy princess

8. Buy him a fairy princess costume and make him wear it all the time or else!

9. Make sure lots of people see him wearing it!

10. Call him "Voldie." Ask everyone else to call him Voldie.

11. Tell him he'd look better with a scar and glasses

12. Remind him of all the fangirls that Harry Potter has and ask him if he has any

13. Stun his snake and use it as a necklace

14. Tell the Death Eaters to burst into song every time he comes in the room

15. Tell him how good looking he was when he was younger, then ask him what the hell happened to him to make him look the way he is now!

15 Ways to Annoy Lucius Malfoy

Here are 15 ways to annoy/piss off Lucius Malfoy. I suggest you have a wand with you and know how to stop death spells when you try this. I do not take responsibility for whatever happens to you if you don't.

1. Replace his shampoo with pink hair dye

2. Tell him Draco's dating Harry Potter (Note: This will most likely also annoy/piss off Draco)

3. Tell him Voldemort is turning good!

4. Make Draco sing "Boss of Me" whenever he comes into the room

5. Give him a pink pony and a love letter

6. Tell him it's from Voldemort

7. Tell him he's such a very nice man!!! Very, very nice!!! He can't ever be mean!!! He fails at being mean!!!

8. Shave his head

9. Trick him into giving all of his house-elves clothes

10. Replace all the silk sheets in the Malfoy Manor with cotton ones

11. Spill tomato sauce on his new designer clothes

12. Whenever he sends someone mail, capture his owl so it never gets there (Treat the owl nicely)

13. Bring 5000000 rats into the Malfoy Manor and let them loose

14. Tell him he would look good in pink plaid

15. Tell everyone else he would look good in pink plaid, and make sure they only get him pink plaid clothes for his birthday.

15 Ways to Annoy Severus Snape

Here are 15 ways to annoy and/or freak out Severus Snape. Please keep in mind that his reactions to you doing these things will not be good. If you keep on doing them, he may get frustrated and try to kill you. I will not be held responsible if that happens.

1. Sign him up to a Harry Potter fanclub. Make sure the fanclub sends T-shirts/mugs/etc with Harry's face on them at least once a month.

2. Send him bottles of shampoo every week (Note: This may get expensive)

3. Tell him he's Harry's father instead of James. If he says this isn't possible, tease him because he's never done anything with Lily

4. Tell him Dumbledore made Remus Lupin the new potions professor for next year

5. When he wants to know if this means he can be the Defense Against Dark Arts professor, tell him Sirius Black is going to be the DADA teacher

6. Tell him he and Mcgonagall are switching houses, and he's going to be the head of Gryffindor

7. Hug him. Hug him again. Keep hugging him….

8. Tell him Harry/Ron/Hermione wants to have his children (Note: this may freak him out VERY much….)

9. Have Harry, Ron, and Hermione follow him around everywhere. And I mean EVERYWHERE.

10. Decorate his office and/or classroom while he's away

11. Make sure there are lots of pink, glittery things there!

12. Constantly compare him to the Marauders. Make sure they're always much better in comparison to him.

13. When ever he says something, say "but Sirius said…." (eg. Severus: "It's not going to rain today" You: "But Sirius said it's going to rain fluffy pink bunnies!")

14. Have all the Slytherins start to cry every time they see him.

15. When he goes to an Order of the Phoenix meeting, make Sirius and Remus follow him around. Have him sit between them at dinner.

15 Ways to Annoy Sirius Black

Ever wonder how to annoy the famous former Azkaban prisoner Sirius Black? Well here are 15 ways! However, be careful while using them. I strongly advice you to be a strong wizard before trying these things. Sirius might try to hex you, you worse. Remember, I warned you. I take no responsibility whatsoever for what happens to you if you use these.

1. Tell him he looks better as a dog

2. Give him dog biscuits every time you see him

3. Every time you go to his house, be sure to wake his mother up

4. Constantly invite Severus Snape over his house

5. Put pink bows in his hair

6. Whenever you see him, tell him Snape's better looking

7. Make everyone make fake barking sounds when he walks by

8. Put a sign that says "No Dogs Allowed" on the front of his house

9. Set rats loose in his manor, and tell him that one of them is Peter

10. Laugh when he tries to catch all the rats

11. When he says "I'm serious!" Say "I know you're Sirius! Stop saying that!"

12. Buy him a collar

13. Ask him if he has fleas

14. Stare at him with wide eyes every time you see him. Also tremble and point at him. Try to look scared.

15. Tell him to "sit!" and "get off the furniture!" and "roll over!"

15 Ways to Annoy Harry Potter

Here are 15 ways to annoy Harry Potter! Remember though, Harry Potter may not like being annoyed and may decide to curse you. I do not take responsibility for this.

1. Tell him he's related to Voldemort

2. Have Ginny dump him for Draco

3. Tell him he should get rid of his scar

4. Hide his glasses and broom

5. Use his broom to sweep the floor

6. Ask him how Cedric is

7. Sign him up for the Draco Malfoy fanclub

8. Make him read Harry/Draco and Harry/Snape fanfics

9. Have Umbridge adopt him

10. Tell him Snape had an affair with Lily and Harry's really Snape's son instead of James's

11. Draw a scar on your face, get big glasses, and walk around saying "I'm Harry Potter!"

12. Tell him how much Voldemort rocks every time you see him

13. Give him a Valentine's card and say it's from Snape

14. Tell him Sirius had it coming

15. Follow him around asking him why it's taking him so long to defeat Voldemort